There are times when the story between two friends can become something more, and friendship can give way to a romantic relationship . However, when one of the two friends feels more than the other and falls in love without being reciprocated, the friendship becomes complicated.
Being in love with your best friend can be a complex situation, often awakening very intense feelings. In this context, maturity is key to managing the situation when you don’t want to lose the friendship and affection. Knowing how to make a wise decision will determine the long-term success of your relationship, whether as friends or as a couple.
Much to gain and much to lose
There are many stories of friendships that have been broken because love has appeared between two inseparable companions, but there have also been stories and love affairs that have arisen from the unique connection felt by a pair of good friends.
The line between friendship and romantic love is fragile , and that’s why many people believe that friendship isn’t possible between two people of the opposite sex who have learned to love each other like siblings without being family. And when a true friend (of the opposite sex) connects deeply with us and our needs, something more than just friendship can emerge.
In these cases, the question arises as to whether it is worth risking everything and losing that person so important to us.
Can friendship exist between a man and a woman (heterosexuals)?
Our friends can bring us great joy, which is why it is said that “whoever has a friend, has a treasure.” In reality, we all decide who becomes part of our circle of friends, because friends are the family we choose to live a full life.
Finding that person with whom we can share our good times and our sorrows, with whom we can bare our soul and who understands and accepts us just as we are, is a great gift of life.
Sometimes, that special friend can be someone of the opposite sex, and then one of the most common questions can arise: Is friendship between a woman and a man possible? Undoubtedly, it is! But sometimes this close friendship can become a huge challenge, and a barrier can arise that is both exciting and terrifying, pitting friendship against attraction or a deeper, more intense feeling: falling in love with our best friend .
How to know if you’re in love with your best friend
When we fall in love with our best friend, our feelings are so strong and contradictory that the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing due to the fear of losing the affection of this person who is so important to us.
In this sense, if we want to maintain affection with our friend, it’s necessary to identify whether what we feel toward them is friendship or, on the other hand, whether we’ve developed feelings of attraction and infatuation. But what are these signs?
1. You don’t treat him the same as other friends
When you want your friend to be your partner, you behave differently than you would if it were just any friend. Falling in love changes your behavior . For example, you may now feel hurt when your friend tells you about their romances, something that didn’t happen before.
2. You care more than other friends
Almost without realizing it, the person who was your friend has become your priority . They’ve become such an important part of your life, and you care about their happiness almost as if it were your own.
3. You can’t wait to see that person
Seeing your friend as something more than just a friend makes you want to spend a lot of time with them, a strong need to see them all the time. Anticipating every encounter makes you feel nervous in a characteristic way , and it doesn’t just happen when you haven’t seen each other for weeks.
4. You want to melt into his arms
You probably have many friends of the opposite sex, but you wouldn’t melt into the arms of all of them the way you would with your special friend . The hugs from this person you consider unique make you feel something magical, something no one else can make you feel.
5. You are attracted to it
A sure sign that your friend is no longer just your friend is that you’re attracted to them and want to have intimate moments with them. You probably want to be alone with them so you can connect emotionally.
6. You think about that person all day long
He’s stolen your thoughts, hijacked your attention, and is now on your mind for much of the day . That’s why you text him on WhatsApp all the time and talk to him differently than you would with other friends.
What to do if you fall in love with your best friend
Being in love is one of the best experiences we can have, as long as the other person feels the same way about us. Otherwise, we can suffer from unrequited love, which can affect our self-esteem and cause frustration and anxiety, among other psychological symptoms.
This situation is especially delicate if the unrequited love is for our best friend. However, if romance prevails, friendship can give way to true love .
Falling in love with our best friend can be incredible, but it can also put our cherished friendship at risk, so it’s understandable that doubts arise about whether we should tell them or keep this immense feeling to ourselves. So, what should we do if this happens to us?
1. Be aware of it and accept the situation
When we fall in love with our best friend, there’s no point in running away from this feeling and repressing it , because in one way or another it will affect both us and the friendship. If we find ourselves in this situation, the best option is to recognize the signs I mentioned above and accept that falling in love with a friend is something that can happen, and in fact, happens quite frequently.
2. Observe how he behaves with you
Once you know how you feel about your best friend, you can observe their behavior to see if they truly feel the same way about you . This can help you accept the upcoming situation, reflect on what’s happening, and make a decision about how you’re going to handle this new reality you’re immersed in.
3. Be honest with yourself and your friend
If you’ve fallen in love with your best friend, pretending that none of this ever happened and that the friendship will continue as it is isn’t realistic . In fact, it can affect both the affection you and your friend have for each other, both positively and negatively, so it’s always best to be honest with yourself and the other person.
Communication and expressing feelings can help you manage the relationship from now on and steer it with maturity. It will also prevent the frustration of not turning that friendship into something more from causing you to associate that bond with an unpleasant experience, causing you to suffer, and ultimately leading you to behave unfairly toward that person.
4. Respect their decision
Telling your friend that you feel more than just friendship is a brave decision, but their reaction isn’t up to you . If they decide to be with you and give you a chance to start a romantic relationship, it will surely be one of the most incredible days of your life.
But this idyllic situation doesn’t always work out, and it may happen that your friend doesn’t feel the same way about you. In light of this, you should respect their decision and move on with your life. This doesn’t mean losing the friendship, but you’ll have to adapt to the new situation, even if it means distancing yourself for a while.
5. If you need it, go to therapy
A psychologist’s office can be a place where you’ll find many of the emotional management tools you need. Remember that you don’t need to have a mental disorder to seek psychotherapy.
Bibliographic references
- Caballo, V. (1983). Manual of training and evaluation of social skills. Madrid: Siglo XXI.
- Goleman, D. (1996): Emotional intelligence. Barcelona, Kairos.
- Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of Romantic Love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 16(2): pp. 265 – 273.